you are my best friend!

I have a friend. well, everybody has a friend or lots of friends. but this particular friend of mine is like, my best friend. and that friend is a she. ooppss!

if you are reading this. you know who you are.  :)

i have known her for almost 3 years. quite a long time yes?
i met her when i am in matriculation. the same batch with me but different course.
at a first glance, she seems like the girl who are very quiet. very reserved.
and how true that was.
she is soft spoken, kind, caring, smart, funny and so much more. there is only good things that i can say about her.
we see each other quite often during those times. she always helped me in studying as she is very smart. well, i always needed help in my studies. even in my degrees now. simply put, we spent a lot of time together.
we were close. yeah. we were close.
we shared stories, problems and tell each other almost anything. almost. not everything. :)
though she shared a lot of things about herself with me, she can be quite secretive at some times. i might have to force her to tell me if anything is troubling her or if anything was on her mind.
she was very close. best friend.
those were the times.  :)

now. as we are in different universities, we no longer have the luxury of seeing each other. i cannot even imagine how she looks right now. there are only pictures that could tell me.
i cannot easily meet her because our home are far apart. i live in klang and she lives in seremban.
to some that might not be too far. reachable. i know its reachable but then i have time constraints.  :(
the only way we could communicate with each other is only by phone or social networking.
but not always. maybe even not anymore.
because of the difference in time usage between us, we do not know when either of us are free.
when i'm free she might have class. when she's free then i might have class.
so our free time are quite unpredictable which resulted in us not knowing when to contact the other. well, mostly me. i'm the one who don't know when to contact her. she is the one who constantly finding time to contact me first. i'm ashamed of myself.  :(

how can i call her my best friend when i did not even try to contact her eh? she can find time to contact me but i am always too busy to even send her a text. a simple "how do you do?". was that so hard? i am even more ashamed of myself.  :(

because of this, now i hardly know what is happening around her. her problems, her triumphs, her feelings. i know nothing about her now that it feels like we do not know each other.
up to an extent that she could even say and ask me:

"best friend knows everything about his/her best friend. are we best friend? or only old friend?"

that was what she said. and it struck me. like lightning. like if zeus existed then that lightning might be his. it struck me like when a lecturer is calling your name and announcing that you failed in front of the whole class. and the whole class laughing. on the floor! that was how i felt.

how true her words was.

is she my best friend? if she is then am i treating her like a best friend?
the answer is simple. surely i am not. i am not treating her how i should have been.
and i am very sorry to her for what i have become. neglecting a friend. its unfriendly of me.
how could i.  :(

i hope that i can change this fact. i hope we can be what we used to be. close.
for that, i have to take care of my best friend more.

i write this for the sole purpose of saying that i am truly very sorry. sorry for not being the friend that i claim to be.  i am sorry.
and here i want to tell you that you are still my best friend. forever and ever. i hope. and i wish you feel the same about me too. i know you will read this. i hope you will read this. so there.

Leo girl. you are my best friend!! 

slap that face of yours

You are not that pure yourself!!

so stop saying things about others that almost resembles you. YOU sound obnoxious. 

see yourself in the mirror first before you want to start commenting on other people. 

just because you changed a bit recently does not make you pure. holy. 

because not too long ago you were just the same as the others you loathe. 

stop for a while. and start judging yourself first. 

people who know you might find what you say really annoying. ironic. 

others might find you to be just a simple fraud. 

in the first place, if you really had changed then you would not be talking bad about people would you? 

saying bad comments. and laugh about it. 

you are just disgusting. 

nothing much changed about you yet you act as if you have changed for the better of the world. 

come on. wake up. slap yourself. 

change is not something that happens in appearance. but as a whole. 

you can talk and admit all you want. 

but in the end. people will just see who you really are. 

so wake up. slap yourself. 

be committed

what is duty to you?
is it something you take for granted. something you neglect. something trivial.
after all those mega planning. all those vision to change things.
all those talks about making everything better.
where are all those resolve now? what happened to those burning desire to give it all. to achieve. to prove.
where are your commitment?? what is your commitment??

keep on running away from your duties. your obligations.
you are making others pay for your own insensitivity.
are you aware that people are crying for what you did. what you are doing.
are you aware that all your burdens are transferred to someone else's shoulder? your supposed duty.
are you even aware of all that?

fuck you! 

if you cannot commit to what you are supposed to to.
why did you agree in the first place?
if you cannot differentiate what's important and what's not.
why have you not tell anyone anything about it?
if it's so hard for you.
then what is the use of others around you.
if you cannot cope then the least you could do is to own up to it.

you blame others for what you are doing. why do you want to do what people are doing to you?
don't you believe in karma?
pick up yourself and do your job no matter what people say about you.
you should be your own judge.
let others do or say whatever they want to. just let them be.

"no matter how others trouble me, i should try my hardest not to trouble them" 
you should hold on to this.
make this your resolve.
you might find out that it is easier this way. in the end.

you know what?
your insensitivity had caused pain towards others.
do you even know about that? or do you even care?

you had pledge yourself towards a cause.
see it to the very end.
instead of bullshitting halfway.
you'll only become a nuisance to others.
a freaking tumor.

stop it. just stop it.
you should start to realize by now.
you should try to change starting from now.
you should take control instead of letting it slip like you don't care.
you can't?
then..

fuck you! 

others have their lives to attend to. you're not the only one.
others have their limits too. not just you.
others are able to talk and walk. why shouldn't you?
others could give their commitment albeit all the hardships and struggles. why can't you??

you want others to respect you.
start respecting them first. and respect your own duty.
not loathe it.

come on.
be committed would you? can't you?

get a grip on yourself.

tribute :)

happy holidays!
my 3rd semester is officially over! wohoooo!
alhamdulillah.

oh my. a lot has happened this semester. i don't know where to begin if i were to talk about it.
good or bad. that's natural.

what concerns me is how well did i do for this semester. academically that is.
i have not been the most hardworking student but to say that i have not made any effort is not right either.
i hope that those puny little efforts of mine will bear fruit when the results is out.

for all i know my carry marks are all well and good except for one.
spanish the menace.
out of 60 i got only 25 marks total. that leaves me another 15 marks at least to pass. which i hope i had done enough to get in my finals paper.
god knows how i did mine. :)
then again, i felt good leaving the exam hall after the spanish paper. it seems that i have a bright chance to pass after all. but of course that is only my feeling.
i just have to wait for the moment of truth.

not all is as bad as the other. this semester i got to learn to play handball. that counts as something isn't it? :)
for my own pride i got an A for handball. which i enjoy every single week. frankly speaking. i kinda miss playing handball.

*sigh*

syntax, phonetics, hospitality, spanish, handball, ict, and critical reading
may i did the best i could!
and i did not go through all these alone.
i am lucky to have friends. great people around me. charismatic and intelligent. kind and thoughtful.
without them i would not have the wits to get through this semester.

syukri (cuki), farhan, najib, hamzi, afiq, sayid, nik nor nabilah anis (peah), ina, erin, din, yana, syue, mira, laila, syafiq, akim, rusidy (mosh), akram, and anyone who has helped me through this whole semester.

^^ v

you people are some great people i have known and all i have for you guys are the well wishes that come from the deepest of my heart. THANK YOU!! i love you people.
without you guys i would never know what to do.
i would be like a kite with no strings.
you guys are the best. BA (englishers) are the best!!

All is well!