Thursday, June 14, 2012

you are my best friend!

I have a friend. well, everybody has a friend or lots of friends. but this particular friend of mine is like, my best friend. and that friend is a she. ooppss!

if you are reading this. you know who you are.  :)

i have known her for almost 3 years. quite a long time yes?
i met her when i am in matriculation. the same batch with me but different course.
at a first glance, she seems like the girl who are very quiet. very reserved.
and how true that was.
she is soft spoken, kind, caring, smart, funny and so much more. there is only good things that i can say about her.
we see each other quite often during those times. she always helped me in studying as she is very smart. well, i always needed help in my studies. even in my degrees now. simply put, we spent a lot of time together.
we were close. yeah. we were close.
we shared stories, problems and tell each other almost anything. almost. not everything. :)
though she shared a lot of things about herself with me, she can be quite secretive at some times. i might have to force her to tell me if anything is troubling her or if anything was on her mind.
she was very close. best friend.
those were the times.  :)

now. as we are in different universities, we no longer have the luxury of seeing each other. i cannot even imagine how she looks right now. there are only pictures that could tell me.
i cannot easily meet her because our home are far apart. i live in klang and she lives in seremban.
to some that might not be too far. reachable. i know its reachable but then i have time constraints.  :(
the only way we could communicate with each other is only by phone or social networking.
but not always. maybe even not anymore.
because of the difference in time usage between us, we do not know when either of us are free.
when i'm free she might have class. when she's free then i might have class.
so our free time are quite unpredictable which resulted in us not knowing when to contact the other. well, mostly me. i'm the one who don't know when to contact her. she is the one who constantly finding time to contact me first. i'm ashamed of myself.  :(

how can i call her my best friend when i did not even try to contact her eh? she can find time to contact me but i am always too busy to even send her a text. a simple "how do you do?". was that so hard? i am even more ashamed of myself.  :(

because of this, now i hardly know what is happening around her. her problems, her triumphs, her feelings. i know nothing about her now that it feels like we do not know each other.
up to an extent that she could even say and ask me:

"best friend knows everything about his/her best friend. are we best friend? or only old friend?"

that was what she said. and it struck me. like lightning. like if zeus existed then that lightning might be his. it struck me like when a lecturer is calling your name and announcing that you failed in front of the whole class. and the whole class laughing. on the floor! that was how i felt.

how true her words was.

is she my best friend? if she is then am i treating her like a best friend?
the answer is simple. surely i am not. i am not treating her how i should have been.
and i am very sorry to her for what i have become. neglecting a friend. its unfriendly of me.
how could i.  :(

i hope that i can change this fact. i hope we can be what we used to be. close.
for that, i have to take care of my best friend more.

i write this for the sole purpose of saying that i am truly very sorry. sorry for not being the friend that i claim to be.  i am sorry.
and here i want to tell you that you are still my best friend. forever and ever. i hope. and i wish you feel the same about me too. i know you will read this. i hope you will read this. so there.

Leo girl. you are my best friend!!